How I avoided getting hit with a pig's bladder

Carnival in La Vega, Dominican Republic is insane. So, of course, when my cousin Maya invited me along to check it out with her daughters I jumped at the chance. My dad didn't see why I'd want to go. He reminded me that when I was little I went to carnival in Puerto Plata, was hit with a pig's bladder so hard I had a bruise for weeks, and apparently cried for just about as long. Whatever, obviously an exaggeration. "Don't worry, dad. That's not going to happen to me this time." Truer words have never been spoken.

Here are my tips on how to avoid being hit by a pig's bladder during carnival in La Vega:

1) Leave Sosua in the mid-afternoon.
2) Take the "scenic route".
3) Get stuck in the traffic caused by people leaving carnival.
4) Eat at La Sirena.
5) Go back to Sosua via the highway that possibly would have gotten you to La Vega in time for carnival.
6) Laugh and be merry! At least you're not bruised! Many a person was not so lucky...

So what's with the pig's bladders (aka vejigas)? Basically some guys dress up as devils and carry whips with these instruments of torture on the ends, which they use to abuse innocent bystanders. A friend of mine said when she went down some old dude held her so his little son could hit her with his vejiga. Sounds awful, but apparently she had a great time otherwise. Moral: Don't stand in the way of the devil or you'll get hit.

"Hey mamcita! How YOU doin'?"