Who needs a boat when you've got duct tape and oil drums?

On Sunday, July 25, 2010 a small group comprised of four adventurous Fairbanksans put their hand-crafted, duct tape-held-together raft into the frigid waters of the Chena River at Graehl Park Boat Launch in the hopes that it would float them to a successful finish of the Red Green River Regatta some miles away at Pioneer Park. In true Red Green style, the final decision to construct said raft was made approximately 30 hours prior to the event itself and the raft's construction commenced exactly 23 hours prior to the event's starting signal at 11am on the aforementioned date. The following is a faithful chronicle of the construction, launch, and harrowing journey, rife with battles of epic proportions, of our less than glamorous but fabulously functional vessel, the S.S.P.O.S.

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Saturday the 24th day of the month of July in the year 2010 will go down in our history as "Construction Day"

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Sunday the 25th day of the month of July in the year 2010:
The Launch of the S.S.P.O.S.
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Officially Unofficial Mission Report of the S.S.P.O.S.

The Raft:

• 6 oil drums
• Some wood boards
• 8 rolls of duct tape
• 4 small, fake Christmas trees
• 1 child's airplane seesaw
• 1 hot-tub topper

 The Crew:

1. Ed: Location = On the ship's Bow, manning The Bridge (a.k.a. seated on the child's airplane seesaw that for the most part was at the front of our vessel. We sometimes got turned around due to paddlers slacking on the job.) Description of labor: Steerer of raft, moral booster, general heckler of fellow crew-members, water balloon deflector, and frontal attack launcher. Equipment: 1 super-soaker watergun and 1 wooden paddle Success rate: 9 out of 10 (failed to prevent my being hit by water balloons on several occasions)
2. Kory: Location = Starboard side, centered between forward and aft positions (a.k.a. on the right side of the raft if you're facing front) Description of labor: Raft propulsion, starboard side security in the form of coordinating and carrying out attacks, executing evasive maneuvering of raft, reloading ammunition, and maintaining inter and intra vessel diplomatic relationships. Equipment: 1 super-soaker watergun and 1 wooden paddle Success rate: 8 out of 10 (excellent diplomatic skills but evasive maneuvering of raft while reloading ammunition needed improvement, extra arms would have been helpful)
3. Debbie: Location: Ship's Stern Description of labor: Engaging enemy vessels in combat through use of preemptive attacks involving both verbal heckling and water launching challenges, defending raft against enemy attack, and reloading ammunition. Equipment: 1 super-soaker watergun and 1 mouth Success rate: 10 out of 10 (excellent heckling and engaging enemy forces...I would argue too good since I seemed to have endured the brunt of all attacks)
4. Rowan: Location: Larboard side between forward and aft positions (a.k.a. left side when facing front, between the Christmas trees located on the front and rear corners of vessel.) Description of Labor: Raft propulsion, larboard side security in the form of attacks launched using super-soaker, executing evasive maneuvering, and reloading ammunition. Equipment: 1 super-soaker watergun and 1 fancy kayak paddle Success rate: 7 out of 10 (average paddling skills but never once reloaded ammunition and generally resorted to fetal position when under attack)

The Mission: 

1. To get our vessel from the starting point of the Red Green River Regatta, Greahl Park boat launch downtown, to its ending point at the Pioneer Park boat launch at Pioneer Park, formerly known as Alaskaland remaining afloat on the Chena River for the journey's entirety.
2. Defend ourselves from attacks coming from event viewers located on bridges and riversides, as well as those attacks coming from fellow event participants.
3. Launch attacks on aforementioned individuals and groups.

Post-Mission Report:

1. Successfully completed primary component of mission: we didn't sink, we finished the regatta, and none of us drowned. Small paddle strokes for mankind. Wooowhooo!!!
2. Failed to prevent ourselves from getting totally soaked from enemy fire. Shields and a tarpaulin cover would be helpful.
3. Preformed at an average level in attack launching. We were more armed than some but for the most part we were horrendously outgunned. People with waterballoon catapults, water launchers, and hoses had the advantage.

Side note: A group of people decided to create a raft representing the BP oil spill (complete with a blowup killer whale hanging from a duct tape replica of an oil tower) which looked cool but they encured my wrath when they propelled globs of chocolate cake frosting at us. Dude, categorically uncool! That stuff was in my hair forever even after I washed it! I think we all get it, oil spills are nasty. No need to pollute the Chena River with globs of frosting to illustrate the obvious. Who is going to help all the diabetic ducks?

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 The launching and journey of the S.S.P.O.S.

Apparently Senator Lisa Mukowski handed out awards at the conclusion of the Red Green River Regatta but alas, since we didn't win any awards and I didn't even know she was there, I missed my chance to shake hands with a politician. We rewarded ourselves with tasty food and beverages on the Pump House deck.