Who needs a boat when you've got duct tape and oil drums?

On Sunday, July 25, 2010 a small group comprised of four adventurous Fairbanksans put their hand-crafted, duct tape-held-together raft into the frigid waters of the Chena River at Graehl Park Boat Launch in the hopes that it would float them to a successful finish of the Red Green River Regatta some miles away at Pioneer Park. In true Red Green style, the final decision to construct said raft was made approximately 30 hours prior to the event itself and the raft's construction commenced exactly 23 hours prior to the event's starting signal at 11am on the aforementioned date. The following is a faithful chronicle of the construction, launch, and harrowing journey, rife with battles of epic proportions, of our less than glamorous but fabulously functional vessel, the S.S.P.O.S.

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Saturday the 24th day of the month of July in the year 2010 will go down in our history as "Construction Day"

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Sunday the 25th day of the month of July in the year 2010:
The Launch of the S.S.P.O.S.
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Officially Unofficial Mission Report of the S.S.P.O.S.

The Raft:

• 6 oil drums
• Some wood boards
• 8 rolls of duct tape
• 4 small, fake Christmas trees
• 1 child's airplane seesaw
• 1 hot-tub topper

 The Crew:

1. Ed: Location = On the ship's Bow, manning The Bridge (a.k.a. seated on the child's airplane seesaw that for the most part was at the front of our vessel. We sometimes got turned around due to paddlers slacking on the job.) Description of labor: Steerer of raft, moral booster, general heckler of fellow crew-members, water balloon deflector, and frontal attack launcher. Equipment: 1 super-soaker watergun and 1 wooden paddle Success rate: 9 out of 10 (failed to prevent my being hit by water balloons on several occasions)
2. Kory: Location = Starboard side, centered between forward and aft positions (a.k.a. on the right side of the raft if you're facing front) Description of labor: Raft propulsion, starboard side security in the form of coordinating and carrying out attacks, executing evasive maneuvering of raft, reloading ammunition, and maintaining inter and intra vessel diplomatic relationships. Equipment: 1 super-soaker watergun and 1 wooden paddle Success rate: 8 out of 10 (excellent diplomatic skills but evasive maneuvering of raft while reloading ammunition needed improvement, extra arms would have been helpful)
3. Debbie: Location: Ship's Stern Description of labor: Engaging enemy vessels in combat through use of preemptive attacks involving both verbal heckling and water launching challenges, defending raft against enemy attack, and reloading ammunition. Equipment: 1 super-soaker watergun and 1 mouth Success rate: 10 out of 10 (excellent heckling and engaging enemy forces...I would argue too good since I seemed to have endured the brunt of all attacks)
4. Rowan: Location: Larboard side between forward and aft positions (a.k.a. left side when facing front, between the Christmas trees located on the front and rear corners of vessel.) Description of Labor: Raft propulsion, larboard side security in the form of attacks launched using super-soaker, executing evasive maneuvering, and reloading ammunition. Equipment: 1 super-soaker watergun and 1 fancy kayak paddle Success rate: 7 out of 10 (average paddling skills but never once reloaded ammunition and generally resorted to fetal position when under attack)

The Mission: 

1. To get our vessel from the starting point of the Red Green River Regatta, Greahl Park boat launch downtown, to its ending point at the Pioneer Park boat launch at Pioneer Park, formerly known as Alaskaland remaining afloat on the Chena River for the journey's entirety.
2. Defend ourselves from attacks coming from event viewers located on bridges and riversides, as well as those attacks coming from fellow event participants.
3. Launch attacks on aforementioned individuals and groups.

Post-Mission Report:

1. Successfully completed primary component of mission: we didn't sink, we finished the regatta, and none of us drowned. Small paddle strokes for mankind. Wooowhooo!!!
2. Failed to prevent ourselves from getting totally soaked from enemy fire. Shields and a tarpaulin cover would be helpful.
3. Preformed at an average level in attack launching. We were more armed than some but for the most part we were horrendously outgunned. People with waterballoon catapults, water launchers, and hoses had the advantage.

Side note: A group of people decided to create a raft representing the BP oil spill (complete with a blowup killer whale hanging from a duct tape replica of an oil tower) which looked cool but they encured my wrath when they propelled globs of chocolate cake frosting at us. Dude, categorically uncool! That stuff was in my hair forever even after I washed it! I think we all get it, oil spills are nasty. No need to pollute the Chena River with globs of frosting to illustrate the obvious. Who is going to help all the diabetic ducks?

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 The launching and journey of the S.S.P.O.S.

Apparently Senator Lisa Mukowski handed out awards at the conclusion of the Red Green River Regatta but alas, since we didn't win any awards and I didn't even know she was there, I missed my chance to shake hands with a politician. We rewarded ourselves with tasty food and beverages on the Pump House deck.

A visit to the last remaining Nunamiut settlement, Anaktuvuk Pass

Anaktuvuk Pass, at 2,200 feet elevation and 68.14* North Latitude, is located on the divide between the Anaktuvuk and John rivers in the central Brooks Mountain Range. There are approximately 250 residents in this Nunamiut settlement that sees record maximum highs of 91*F and lows of -56*F. The Nunamiut are semi-nomadic inland Inupiaq Eskimos and Anaktuvuk Pass is their last remaining settlement.

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The tour company I work for provides visitors to Alaska a chance to experience this place by going on their Arctic Circle Anaktuvuk Pass Adventure. I was excited to be offered the opportunity to travel up to Anaktuvuk Pass on said tour for free; one of the awesome perks of working for Northern Alaska Tour Company is being able to hop on any of their tours on a standby status. I got to sit in the cockpit of a 10 seater, twin engine, Piper Navajo Chieftain plane. 

It was a thrill!

 

 I controlled by desire to touch all the gadgets!

The views from the aircraft proved amazing.

Leaving Fairbanks behind.

Stevens Village, middle of nowhere Alaska.

Crossing the Arctic Circle.

The Trans-Alaska Pipeline running along the Dalton Highway.

That speck of "civilization" is Coldfoot Camp, built during the pipeline construction days as a place for workers to rest their work weary heads.

Yea. It's not that much bigger up close. We stopped in Coldfoot to drop off some guests that were doing a tour there and picked up other guests who had signed up to go to Anaktuvuk Pass.

This is pretty much the coolest thing in Coldfoot.

Oh, wait. I take it back. This is the coolest thing in Coldfoot.
After conducting some business behind an obliging tree, I continued my adventure up to Anaktuvuk.

This is Anaktuvuk.

This is the only way in or out of this place, unless you want to wait until winter and ride a dogsled an ungodly distance.

WoooWhoooo! I'm in Anaktuvuk!

Apparently their police department consists of one dude who mainly helps with medical support since there are a lot of accidents here.

All the dumpsters are brightly painted and many contain messages like "share", "friendship", "take care of your environment", to encourage positive values in Anaktuvuk youth.

If they don't have your size you're going to have to wait a while.

So we may be in the middle of the tundra but we've got satellite T.V., internet, and telephones. While people who read too much Thoreau would argue against such amenities, here they are a matter of practicality and survival; people have to get medevaced out of here with relative frequency and they are dependent on communication with air transport services for essentially everything.

This is one of the last remaining examples of a traditional Nunamiut house style. It's built into the ground for optimal energy efficiency. No one lives in this type of house anymore, having decided on living in larger structures that cost much more to heat.

Quads provide the main mode of transportation in Anaktuvuk. I'm not sure why anyone would bother having a car cargo planed up here since none of the roads go anywhere for more than a mile.

Our guides, Harriet and Dave, mentioned several times during our tour how the weather in Anaktuvuk Pass could change from one minute to the next and they weren't kidding. Our pilot was anxious to leave as soon as we arrived at the runway since a storm was quickly moving in on us.

Take off was a thrill for sure!

Safe and sound back in Coldfoot.
Since my partner in adventure came up to Coldfoot to pick up a vehicle left by his neighbor, we now began the drive portion of our expedition: a five hour drive from Coldfoot down the Dalton Highway to Fairbanks. It was about 11:30pm when we left Coldfoot.

We made the mandatory stop of touristic interest at the Arctic Circle sign. Most popular guest question: "Why isn't there a giftshop at the Arctic Circle?" Because there is one pretty much everywhere else.

The heavily guarded pipeline bridge crossing the Yukon River, which is incidentally the 20th longest river in the world at 1,980 miles long.

I wasn't allowed to stop on the bridge since apparently doing so would incur the wrath of the pipeline guard who would then yell at us over the loud speakers that line the bridge so I had to settle for haphazard shots with my arm hanging out an open window.

This is Buddy the friendly moose we saw on the side of the road.
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The journey past the Arctic Circle to the tiny village of Anaktuvuk was an awesome experience I feel very fortunate to have had. While I appreciate the poetry of the remote, I think I would go a bit nuts after a couple of weeks. There's only so much berry picking, four-wheeling, talking to the same handful of people, and poetry writing a person can do, right? Plus, there's no Thai food.